Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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