HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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