He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
