i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
