Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
