Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize