I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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