I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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