I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
