PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I love you. Go after that dick
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
