when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
