Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
