You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
