I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
