My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
