i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
