ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
