Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think I just sharted jello shots
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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