whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
