College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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