Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
