if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
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she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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