My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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