when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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