we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
