yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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