FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
