He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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