It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
