There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
