His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
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Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
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I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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