He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
