Umm I'm too high to move.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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