I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
