Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
