Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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