I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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