I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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