I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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