The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
