i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
