dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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