dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
