im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
