Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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