Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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