You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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