Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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