I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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