P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
pray to the hookup gods
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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