question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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