I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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