Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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