I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
