i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
