Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
