So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
