Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
