I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
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Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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