Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
