you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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