You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Someone shit on the floor
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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