This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
