even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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