could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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