I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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