I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
