He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
