the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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