yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
