also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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