i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Randomize
