I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can text with my tongue
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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