i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
