guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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