Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
